Halloween and the Evils

Halloween is such a wonderful time or year. The leaves on the trees are decaying a falling in such a beautiful way. The air is getting colder, so people snuggle closer together...only to find out that the other person has chapped lips. People deck out their houses in (what they think is) "spooky" garb. (In their dreams is it spooky) But all that effort does win a smile of aprovel from passers by. And the most adorable thing known to man: little kids dressing up in costumes and face paint and robbing people of their candy with just the fact that they are so cute. All this lovey-dovey-fuzzy-nice-nice is enough to give you a cavity (and most of the time it does) but there are things during this wonderful time of year that juts ruins it.

One of those things, is unwilling participants. As a child, when trick-or-treating, after
saying your thank-yous to the old couple who not only had king sized milkyways but where the creepiest house on the block, you walk down counting your loot and you see something. A house with it's porch lights out. Now this sets your for a ringer. "Maybe their house's light is broken?" you ask to yourself. So you start to walk the short distance to ring the doorbell. You mother/father/unhappy sibling stops you. "They don't want any trick-or-treaters." They say as they guide you by the shoulder to the next house. How dare they?! Where is their spirit?! On Christmas I don't kick some guy whose car broke down to the curb, you should give me candy! Or worse, you got a house that kept it's lights on, but instead of candy gave pamphlets, or lectures, on Halloween. We know what Halloween is! We are out trick-or-treating, where is our candy? Taking advantage of the sibling that wants to go creaming and egging. You help write on their house walls in crayon. "Next time, Nut case, buy candy!"

Or, if you were a truly unfortunate child, your *gulp* parents dressed up. There is nothing like going to trick-or-treat and your mother is dressed like Madonna, and your father is Dr.Frank'n'Furter. That should be classified as child cruelty.

Lastly the last true evil of Halloween is a pissed off teenager whose parents wouldn't let them go creaming and all those fun and games so they take it out on the trick-or-treaters. There is nothing like a happy looking teen at the door with this BIG bowl of goodies and finding out half way to the second house that the big bowl of goodies was a huge bowl of ice. Your candy is all soggy and wet, and your parental unit is a nut about trick-or-treat candy and won't let you have any. That is the guy you kick in the nuts the next chance you get. There are more crafty ways of ruining a well earned bucket of candy: The teen who put condoms in your bucket with the snickers bar, or KY jelly. You mother flips and you, again, lose your candy. That is the kid you save up all of your allowance and pay a kid bigger than he is to kick his ass!

Ahh, all in all Halloween in a good day. The minor evils provide a good belly laugh to those not experiencing it. So grab your pumpkin smashing hammers, shaving cream, redi-whip, and eggs and have a grand 'ol time with your vandalism. Remember: DON'T GET CAUGHT! If for some reason you do, use your RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! If you happen to be a poor sucker who stays home, ice cubes provide good fun. Lastly if you are planning on keeping your lights off, we know where you live and will egg you!

Happy Haunting!